Sometimes in your life you have to say “Fuck it” Some people say “fuck it” on a regular basis. This isn't good. You cant over use your “Fuck it”'S. You don't have an unlimited supply of them. I unfortunately am one of those people who hasn't used a lot of their “Fuck it”'S. I have quite a few left but haven't used many maybe because I think too much. Over analyse. Who knows.
I used one a few months ago when I decided to quit the JSA. It wasn't a huge “Fuck it” but it was a “Fuck it” none the less. They wanted to put me on a 13 week course and I said “Fuck it, I'll have to go without the money” Because for some reason these Job Seeker's Plus people presume that because you're unemployed you also have absolutely no life at all and no other commitments than getting a job. The course was 5 days a week 9 – 5 for 13 weeks. I won't go into huge detail about certain commitments I have at home but lets just say that a so called “course” where all you do is search for jobs in old newspapers and on-line didn't seem to take priority over said commitments. I'm struggling financially at the moment but I do have an iota of pride left.
My most recent “Fuck it” though was regarding education. The past year has been my naïve “I'll take a year out education and get a job” year. I did indeed take a year out of education however the latter part was not as successful. One positive though, was that the year out gave me some time to think about what I wanted to do with my life. I have always loved music and did a course on it for 2 years but I didn't feel fulfilled. I will always love music and write something new every day, but I felt that in terms of education I needed to turn my back on it. I feel like I have gone as far as I go with musical education without it depressing me. Granted, theres a lot more I could learn about music and maintaining a higher level of instrumental skill but after the 2 year course I felt like I had made a mistake.
I recently applied to a university course on the subject of “Film and television production” because I realised it was where I wanted to go in life. It made me feel bad though, like I was a traitor to music. I also feared people wouldn't take me seriously in it because I had never shown any educational interest in it. To be honest the only reason I didn't take it at school was because my school wasn't renound for it and it was considered a bit of a cop out subject. But when I received a letter informing me I had an unconditional place at the University I finally thought “Fuck it” and went for it. I'm starting in September.
Music is definitely not forgotten for me though. How could it be? It's my life. I cant pretend and tell you between film and music one is more important than the other because its not true. I love both, and I will always work with one or the other, or even simultaneously. I will continue to write music and I will continue to make films. Then I will make music for films and then I will make videos for music. Then I will write things. A book, a script, a play, a poem who knows? I think the main thing I'm trying to get across here is I hate the way we are always made to choose. “You can either do this, or this.”
Well what if I want to do it all?
Fuck it.
