“Its beginning to look a lot like Christmas...everywhere I go”
Oh god you can say that again. Actually, don't. Please don't. I am sick to death of hearing that song. In fact, I think if I hear it again within the next 24 hours my brain will deflate. Now, I know there's a lot of us Scrooges. Its become very fashionable to be one nowadays but I really don't care. As an internet blogger I feel its of the utmost importance that I be completely honest with you...and myself, and the bottom line is I don't enjoy Christmas. Not any more anyway. Obviously, every child loves Christmas. In my personal opinion, until your eighteen, you have to at least pretend you like Christmas (even if you really don't) Just to keep the balance of space, time and logic in order. But as I am now eighteen years of age I feel I have the right to dislike both children and Christmas.
Don't get me wrong, I love winter. Its my favourite time of year. I was made for the cold. I sleep with all my windows open in winter. I love the feeling of freezing air on my face and the way my skin heats up rapidly after getting indoors due to the extreme hot and cold. I am the snowman. But Christmas depresses me. And not even because its a religious festival. I bet that surprised you? No, its got nothing to do with Jesus, my blog that is, not Christmas...actually come to think of it Christmas doesn't either. No one thinks about why they are celebrating it. “Its just tradition init?”
No, I think the real reason I dislike Christmas is just the general tone of it all. It all seems a bit pretentious to me. The cock box known as television is the prime offender. Every advert just wants to hammer it into you like a rusty nail into the hand of Christ. “Better get those toys!” “better get that turkey!” “better get those mince pies!” “better put up a false pretence and pretend to be happy for a month!” “better get it all from M&S!”
Don't even get me started about presents. I'm only human and obviously I know its nice to get presents from people. Sure, it shows you your appreciated and what not, unless the present in question is a turd in a box. I just don't like buying the damn things. Well, its not so much the purchasing of the items themselves. I mean, my hard earned JSA money has got to go somewhere doensn't it? Its more the process of deciphering the cryptic clues your family members give you regarding what they want during the weeks coming up to the day. When you flat out ask them “So, what do you want?” they will either say “Nothing, you don't have to worry about it” or “surprise me” even though you know either option is going to be wrong. Dare to get someone in your close family nothing and see yourself not spoken to for at least 6 months. Surprise them and see their face light up with surprise when they open their gift on Christmas morn...disappointed surprise, obviously. Then there's the walking around a shopping centre. Today I found myself going in and out of the same shops about 20 times. People are stressed. They barge you and rush around frantically. For 4 hours of the year they are the scum of the earth, and then it dawns on me...so am I.
Although I am very much the opposite. In many ways I'm sure I am a more annoying shopper. I am docile. I plod around in a zombified stupor like one of George Romero's extras stumbling over my own incompetence. I end up buying more things for myself than anyone else. I know myself. Sort of.
I can see how this probably sounds very moany and Scrooge-like, but its not called “negative blogs” for no reason. But as its Christmas, consider my gift to you a few things I DO like about the season:
I like seeing family members on Christmas. I love Christmas dinner (as long as its done right. I'm a Christmas dinner Nazi) I like snow (if we get any) I like a lot of the films they show around Christmas. Erm...Okay, I am struggling now...er...I like Christmas crackers? Nope, its no use. I need to go back to things I hate. I fucking hate family party games. I fucking hate Christmas carols. I hate Christmas.
