Dave's Negative Blogs

Talking about religion AGAIN dave? yes, yes i am! Today im talking about GOD TV. i used to have an addiction to GOD TV. i used to stay up till about 4 am watching it. Not because i liked it obviously...because i just couldnt believe what i was seeing. It has to be possibly one of the most evil channels ever made. I know what your thinking: "evil!? how can you say its evil! its spreading the word of god!" Well look, if your a Christian thats fine but this channel really doesnt sit well with me.

One of the first programs i saw on it was "the frost debate" where a pannel talk about Christian issues. It has to be one of the strangest "debates" i have ever seen. I would have thought that if they really wanted a debate they would at least have some non chritstians there but it was just 4 christians! ok i know what your thinking, its a Christian show they dont want any heathens on it, thats fine but in that case i really would have thought they would have a few different types of Christians on...or even just some with different viewpoints!? nooope! it was pretty much just 4 men discussing what needs to be changed in the church...and they all kept agreeing with each other. Not really a DEBATE is it?

This annoyed me mildly but it wasnt untill the next piece of quality programming came on that i was enraged. It was one of those shows where you are encouraged to give money to the channel. It was called "Missions week" and as far as i can tell it seems to be missions week...every week. CLEVER! Anyway its basically one huge telethon where if you donate some money to the church you get your name read out. "thank you so much to Kathy from Peckham who has given us £34,000. God is going to fix that terminal cancer for you! i can feel it!" I am sure Kathy is not very wealthy and is obviously very down if she like me is watching God Tv at 4 am ... also I am sure poor Kathy is dead by now. This kind of love of money really makes me sick especially from so called "Christians" they make out that money is a great thing because "it can be used to build churches and help spread the word of god" only snag is i failed to find out while watching 3 hours of missions week just exactly where that money was going. Did you know there is a famous bible story in which Jesus himself is so enraged about money that he kicks over loads of market stools and tells off market traders. Thats right kicks the stools over! prince of peace aye? Im an athiest and i think i am actually a better Christian than these telemarketer preachers!

One other thing i hate on God TV though are the "healing sessions" they have where they play cheesy organ music and have an over enthusiastic repressed paedophile kick peoples crutches away and tell them to dance and tell the blind they will wake up in the morning with 20/20 vision because "GOD HAS BLESSED YOU MY CHILD!" Like comedians they all seem to have an odd warm up act too. It actually is a form of comedy because it seems to get the audience riled and laughing and in the mood to be exploited. They dont really have jokes per say but they more or less just like to take the mickey out of "those silly atheists!" They like to talk about us as the unsaved and also like to pretend that it doesnt bother them. Thats funny because i could have sworn i have been told numerous times that im destined to hell for my non religious ways.

If there is a heaven i am going to laugh my arse off when all these Christians dont get let in and are sent to hell for their money focused living...and hopefully i would just end up in pergatory for eternity...given i dont kill anyone soon.

I wanted to think up a clever title to attract people to this blog like "I killed Kate Perry and i liked it" but i thought that sounded a bit threatening so i decided against it...i think the current one portrays my point though.

Everyone is playing this song at the moment and its driving me nuts. Its not just driving me nuts because every passing car and HMV is blasting out this generic bile. its mainly because of the songs self awareness. Its gaining mainstream success because its conteroversial...and it knows it. Its conteroversial because homosexuality is STILL tabboo and im sure that religious organisations and parents around the country are terrified this song is going to single handedly turn the children of the world into Julian Clareys. In terms of catchiness factor its "Umberella" all over again. i have a feeling this song isnt going away for a long time.

And who the hell is Kate Perry exactly? Previous to this song i had never heard of her. She seems to be the new flavour of the month. She resembles an American Kate Nash in every sense right down to her pretentiously flamboyant dress sense.

One thing i really hope about this Kate Perry fad is that gay people do not encourage this woman. If you listen to her actual lyrics especially in the song "i kissed a girl and i liked it" she is doing more to sully the name of Lesbians around the world than to stand up for it. The song basically says: "im a straight woman who has a boyfriend and i am kissing this girl out of pure curiosity...also she means nothing to me and its all just a game to me" If you dont believe me, stop dancing around mindlessly to the poppy electro beat and actually listen to the lyrics...they arent difficult to interperet as shes not exactly a musical poet.

I would like to say i cant wait to stop hearing this song but i know once that happens the next flavour of the month will come...and they only get worse.

Remember the days when rock music was something rebellious and cool? Remember when being in a band was a gritty experience. I have a band and have played quite a few gigs including older bands and college bands and to me its all about the grimey shit holes you play in. Theres something dangerous and real about it. Its where you have no pyrotechnics, no auto tune and no backing track. The crowd can be relentless bastards sometimes so its important to have total confidence in your music. You have to genuinally TRY.

Which leads me to the jonas brothers. In case your not aware of them they are basically an american McFly who are hugely promoted by Disney...need i say more? Its along the lines of Hanah Montanna/Miley Cyrus. Its clean cut and totally in this summer! I can actually tollerate the likes of Hanah Montanna's music. As appauling as her music is (and i do fucking hate it) at least it knows what it is. Its generic shit-pop aimed at the 8 - 12 year old girls market. Its there purely as an advertisment for disney and is a money making conglomerate shit bastard. I cant forgive it for being an evil business...but like i said at least it knows what its doing. The Johas brothers on the other hand...

...Well they arent just clean cut, they are PURE. thats right folks, the hippest, trendiest band to hit your kids eardrums are purity ring wearing hardcore Christians. This is NOT a positive role model for children. Obviously you dont want your kids running around having underage sex and getting pregnant at 9...BUT its not sleazy evil TALENTED music that does this to your kids...its generic terrible music pumped through your children. Its the music videos that display the colourful images that scream "THE JONAS BROTHERS ARE ASSOSIATED WITH DISNEY...YOU MIGHT LIKE THESE OTHER DISNEY PRODUCTS TOO...ONLY £76.99 AT TOYS 'R' US" Its messages like this that teach your kids its ok to be a fucking drone thus not letting them think for themselves contributing to their future carelessness. A hip hop video with women shaking their booty's is NOT going to make your son a sex crazed rapist its just going to desensatise him earlier on. Making him wear a purity ring however might make him go a little bit...Norman Bates

Could it get any worse? Oh yeah it could. Definately. Today i read an interview in the newspaper with the Jonas brothers where they spoke about their devout dedication to god...oh and they also chatted casually about how nice of a guy they thought George W Bush is. "we have played a few shows for him not and hes a really cool guy. He knows the words to some of our songs and stuff" Now im not going to go into the left wing versus the right here...but my god. My fucking GOD. Is THAT a positive message for your children?! "Hey little Mary. you see that guy on the TV. thats the president! hes responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people. He sends young men to their deaths...but guess what Mary.." "What Daddy?" "He likes the Jonas brothers and they like him so hes really not so bad"

Aint it just fucking precious. I have always had major problems with Disney and the way it patronises children to the Nth Degree but this truely is something else.

Its times like this that actually make me glad to be British (this is not patriotism its comparison) we have the same problems as America but its comforting to know theirs are worse. I think the worst McFly sell are polyphonic ringtones and their bodies to "smash hits magazine"

The Jonas Brothers are selling twisted Christian morality and George Bush

"I'll have one McFly Ringtone please!"

Today i signed on to the JSA

its a strange experience...i have failed to find a job so i have been banished to the once feared job centre. Dont get me wrong i have nothing against it or the people who go there, ijust never thought i would bother...but now that i have no money i have to chew the fat and go through with it.

Anyway i was greeted outside the job centre at 11 am by a long line of people who looked like they would kill me if i looked at them. I was contemplating joining the line as i am a "Dole Virgin" and wasn't exactly sure where to go or what to do. I wondered what kind of a twisted organisation makes people line up outside in the cold for their free money. I decided to go inside the place where i was informed i had to "go up the stairs, turn right and wait for your name to be called" i did this...i waited...and i waited...for 40 minutes. I was then informed i was on the wrong floor and needed to go upstairs. I went upstairs and spoke to a woman who didnt seem very interested in my financial needs. In fact she didnt make eye contact with me at all. she then sent me down a corridor to another room. The person in that room took my national insurance number and sent me BACK to the room i just came from. I then had to fill in a form i had already filled out over the phone. Then i was told to sit down and wait for the man to speak to me. He was sitting at his desk directly in front of me doing nothing. as soon as it reached 12 30 he then told me to come over. I did and we went through all the shit i have to do to get my free money. ie: prove i am looking for work. he then gave me some papers and told me to come back in 2 weeks..

..i need a fucking job so badly.

If i have to meet with pauline again i might lose my fucking mind

"helloo jobseekers! ya fucking dole scum!!"

Year five was horrible. In year five i was made to watch a video that can harm you more than "the ring" I dont know if sex education is still taught the same but when i reached year five i was shown one of the most demented videos in the universe. Most of the video was made up of hilarious animations that display a child confused at his first sexual feelings. These we all laughed at. Also the girls being escorted away from the boys to be told about their periods was not only strange at the time but rediculously intreaguing. I remember boys confronting girls and asking "What the hell did they tell you!? come on tell me!" it drove kids loco. There were 2 things on the sordid video however that were quite disturbing.

Firstly there was a clip of a family who apparently all walk around their house naked. Where does this family live so i can inform the police? Dont get me wrong i have nothing against naturists but you should choose to be one and not force your children to do it. Im not implying any connotations to paedophilia, im just indicating thats it demented. This family is too close. Most families dont like each other most of the time let alone skip around the house naked and take baths together. If you do consider youself a true naturist sell your house and go and live in the forest. But im getting off subject now...

...It was the videos grand finale that made me want to rip out my eyeballs and stuff them into my pencil case beneath the shards of sharp pencil shavings. The feature presentation ladies and gentlemen was...THE MIRACLE OF CHILDBIRTH! This is not something someone that young needs to see. I think its probably safer to show a year 5 pupil 2 people actually having sex, which for some reason i could never understand why they didnt. Its sex education right? But no all its intent on showing you is STDs. Speaking of STDs the worst of them all is a child. Im sorry if i seem harsh but i do not consider childbirth a miracle. Fortunately i am no longer a child so this gives me the RIGHT to claim how much i dislike them. Im not saying i wont ever want kids because who knows how my opinions will change? But i really dont see any benifit of getting them in the next 40 years. The video is vile. As if its not bad enough that a child is coming out to ruin your life...its covered in...well i dont know what it is but theres a lot of colours going on there. Im not going to go into the whole abortion debate right now but all i will say is i personally believe the time period a woman should have to abort the child should be around...18 years. Yeah i can imagine it now. Young Dave junior is 17. He wants to stay out late one night so i let him borrow the car (being the hip cool dad i am!) but what does he do? he brings it back with a headlight smashed and a parking ticket for £70...ABORTED. i warned him!

My point is the sex education video didnt scare me away from sex...it just scared me away from all children. Kids hate me...and i hate them. Children (like all people) are a chemical reaction...

...an annoying one.

The facination with swearing has always amazed me. A lot of people hate swearing. Personally i love it. A lot of people find it offensive. I find it insanely satisfying. Im glad people find it offensive though, because if they didn't it probably wouldnt be half as satisfying to say swear words. Its not just peoples hatred for swearing that amazes me, its their opinions on which are acceptable and which are not. A lot of people will claim that to say "poo" is acceptable but "shit" is bad. Why? they both have the EXACT same meaning. As do Vagina and CUNT. Cunt however is a very tabboo word. its so tabboo that it single handedly raises a movies rating to an 18 despite any other content. when you really think about it though what is it that makes you uncomfortable? is it its meaning? or is it just the agressivness of the word? Its no more aggresive sounding that "Cant" but people arent offended by that. And come to think about it the word "cant" is more negative than "cunt"

I just could never understand why some words are good and some are bad. Shouldn't all words be treated equally? Surely this a form of wordism. I remember the first time i heard the word "cunt" i was in the car with my dad and he said it in anger to another driver. i remember i asked him "what is cunt?" and he told me not to say the word. Obviously i hold this single event responsible for my sudden loving of the word.

If you have been offended by this blog then you are a cunt. whats that now your even more offended? well dont be. sit back make youself a cup of tea, turn OFF the television AND your computer and relax. Quietly think to yourself what a cunt is, then think about how un offensive it really is. Then really ask yourself "am i offended?" then turn your computer back on and carry on with your ultimately pointless life and for fucking shit cocks cunting sake try to enjoy it.

Im not good with technology. With technology always expanding and our knowlege always increasing, most 18 year olds are semi government approved computer hackers or rocket scientists nowadays. I however fall on the opposite side of the wall. I got my first mobile phone when i was 16. By todays standards thats pretty late to get one. Most kids get a mobile at around 12 or 13 nowadays as its considered a social must have for your child if you want them to go to Secondary school without becoming a social outcast...or as the youths like to say a "GAY" which of course has nothing strictly to do with sexual orientation. Its more of an insult at secondary school. Anyway, when i got my mobile i didnt like it. I have had 2 other mobile phones since then and i have hated all of them too. I have never been too fussed about phoning people, but what im even less fussed about is taking pictures with the thing. I like photography...and by that sentament alone i think its only justified i hate phone cameras. Photography is an art form, not a fucking 2 pegapixell nightmare. If i wanted my photos to look as square orientated as an early PS1 game i would ask for it. Im pretty sure that modern mobile phones dont even have the "call" function anymore. They have gone from being "camera phones" to "phone cameras" the "phone" element has become the extra.

The reason i felt compelled to write this little piece on modern technology is because recently i was in Greenwich and visited a shop that sells records, dvds and videos. I like it in there. its simplicity pleases my mind. Granted if you want a dvd from there its going to cost you a lot more than in your local HMV but luckily i didnt. What i wanted lived downstairs. I wanted some VHS. True you cant get new movies on VHS anymore but who the hell wants new movies? I bought 6 videos all for around 10p each. I am one of the only people i know that kept their VHS player and im glad i did. Sure the visual quality isn't great and the sound quality can be near terrible but to be honest it all brings back memories for me. There was a time when a local HMV only had VHS and i remember it.

Anyway my point is that with the release of BLU-RAY recently, are DVDs soon going to become extinct like VHS? If it does then it will majory piss me off because being the movie fan i am over the past year i have built up quite an impressive DVD collection of aroun 70 - 80 DVDs and i refuse to get a BLU-RAY player. I refuse for a few reasons. Mostly because i cant actually see this magical "improved quality" everyone is going on about. Im sure its there but i cant see it. The picture quality still looks rough to me. Although to be fair the first time i experienced BLURAY properly was at my friends house and we watched the modern masterpiece Alien Vs Predator Requiem...which was such an astronomicaly bad piece of shit i almost vomited. I mean what the fucking hell kind of prinkle calls the hybrid of an alien and a predator a "Predalien" Its also so darkly filmed that that might have impeaded my judgement. But either way im not replacing all those DVDs.

Fuck you ever increasing technology. I might buy some laserdisks just to be spitefull.

In this day and age EVERYONE wants to be famous. I will admit...yeah it would be really nice to do something out of the norm. I cant imagine living my life on a 9 - 5 every day. People crave fame, and you know that already. But if everyone was famous there would be no plebians to look down upon. And without being able to make someone else feel inferior what use is being famous?

I was watching the X factor today. There are a few things about it that really don't sit comfortably with me. The main thing i want to talk about is actually getting to the bottom of what the "X" in "X Factor" actually is. Most people seem to believe they have it but in my eyes not one person i have seen does. I know what it is. Do you want me to tell you? You sure you want to know? Because it might ruin the show for you. Ok here it is; The X factor is...Drumroll...the ability to write songs. Sounds simple doesnt it? Well it is. The major problem i have with X Factor is that it concentrates on the one talent of singing. I know what your thinking "but Dave! its a singing competition!" NO. Fuck you, your wrong. You are absolutely ignorant. It is not a singing contest, it is a search for the X Factor and if you think about it having that ability is absolutely what you need to stay in the music business. Why do you think 98% of winners are forgotten about 3 months after the series finishes? Because they have been milked like a genetically enhanced cow for all they are worth and then thrown into the meat blender ready for kerry katona to sell to you at a local island shopping centre. If a singer had the ability to write their own music they might have a chance of making it on their own. I always wonder why, if you think you have a god given gift to music, do you insist on going on a TV show to make your fame? Its only a temporary answer. Its pure laziness. In the music business (like any business) the harder you work...the better you do (not that i know anything about business...i just think thats common knowlege right?) Its writing music, playing it in absolute dives and working your way up that gets you credability, respect and more importantly EXPERIENCE. you cant get experience on a 4 month game show. When you think about it though the X factor is just a machine. It knows what its doing and doesnt want to stop. I needs its winners to fade away so it can snatch up another "hot talent" and market them. They need to make sure they have enough hopefulls for another series right?

Obviously there are other things about the show that irritate me but i wont go into them in great detail. I will just say that the way its edited is disgusting. I swear they must think their audience are idiots...well maybe they are. I cant stand the cuts to the panels reations to a particually good or bad singer. They are not natural reactions and have been edited poorly. Then there are the sob stories. i mean come on. You are only airing the sob stories to indicate to the viewer "this person might have a chance of winning" and its insanely patronising on the viewer. I noticed today that dragons den does a simular thing. Not so much with a sob story but more just with how the narrator speaks. Its weird, its almost in code. You can just tell who is going to get rejected before you even see them or their "revolutanary electric bullet-proof arse wiping machine" because its always fucking hinted at you.

And at the end of the day we dont want to see a sob story about a contestant whos dog i ran over...we want to see a contestant crying because of rejection. We want to see it because we have been given a free ticket to a freak show and not watching it would be a waste wouldnt it?