Dave's Negative Blogs

In 4 years time the biggest event the world has ever seen will be here. In the UK for one time only, the ultimate fight of the century! get ready for...THE OLYMPIC GAMES!

I am so sick of hearing about the olympics. the honest truth is that i really dont care about the olympics...at all. I didn't care about it when it was in other countires and i dont care about it now. i know where i'm going to be during the oylmpics. i will probably end up locking myself in my freezer with only a bag of frozen peas to keep me alive. Its probably the only place i can go without hearing about the fucking olympics. Mind you there will probably be an advert for it on the bag of frozen peas.

"But Dave, why do you hate the olympics so much?"

I dont hate the olympics. I just hate sporting activity. Me and the olympics had a deal. I keep away from the Olympics and the Olympics stays away from me. So far i have upheld my side of the deal, but now in 2012 they will be here...in the united kingdom. Everyone will be falsly excited about the olympics and there will be hugging in the streets and painted faces and car stickers and fog horns and shouting. its fucking moronic. people look like they care but what they actually care about is the fact that the Olympics has come to THEIR county. not america... "hooray! FUCK you america! we win!" Not Greece "HA HA Greece we win! fuck you greece!" and certainly not Germany "Take that you Nazi bastards! England prevails AGAIN!"

its all a miss use of patriotism. Its patriotism at its most moronic and its always about sport. Simular to when England won the rugby all those milleniums ago. "Come on England! kick that miss shapen ball over that big "H" You can do it!" then 2 days later:

"did you enjoy the Rugby?"
"whats rugby?..."

Hopefully global warming will have fully set in just before 2012 and i wont have to get into my freezer as the world will we a huge, frozen wasteland.

"Global warming...brought to you by the 2012 olympics"

Shit...

Come on people! wave your hands in the air like you just dont care! woo! praise tha' Lord! reach for that remote controll and flick through the thousands of channels all designed for you! We at TV land incorperated LOVE YOU!

Thats the impression i get when i turn on the TV...and its not a posotive one. Its a patronising one.

I used to watch a lot of TV. i mean a lot. I was king potato, and im not ashamed. TV used to be good. TV used to have programs. TV doesnt have programs anymore. it just has jaunty, colourful advert fillers. Terribly written (or not written at all) pieces of trash that fill the space between the adverts. After all the adverts are the most important thing to a television executive becasue they keep the station running. I remember when the roster was "12 minutes of programming and 2 minutes of advertising" im pretty sure the ratio has now flipped as it seems like for every 2 minutes of entertainment there is 12 minutes of Tony Robinsons putrid voice. Tony Robinson sold his soul and whats worse we have to hear his shrill death like voice everyday selling us toilet cleaner.

One thing i really don't understand about modern television is why (oh god tell me why!) they have to advertise programs during the program you are watching. Not even during the adverts...right there splatted across your screen, and usually it says something like "You are watching MTV!" durrr am i? ... wait am i? oh shit i had better turn that off before someone sees. I was actually glad for that one. Chances are if im on MTV its by mistake.

I also want to know what the hell happened to Friday night television? Im sure looking back these shows are all awful but they were my memories damnit! Noels house party, Generation game, TFI Friday. Although i remember these shows being good a look back on the hosts probably would make me feel differently. Noel Edmunds...is presenting the worlds most pointless gameshow "Deal or no deal" where "players" have to guess which box has the money in and then eliminate all the smaller cash prizes. TV gameshows have now got to the point where you dont need a facit of intelligence. You need to just point and go "DAT ONE!" and most of the "Players" can barely do that, stretching the show out a good 45 minutes when any other normal human being could probably pick all the boxes in under a minute. Jim Davidson from the generation game is...well i dont know where he is and i dont care. You have to forgive me for once liking him. When i saw him first he was presenting family shows "the generation game" and "Big break" I dont remember him ever interacting with any black families, but i suppose its probably for the best. he might not have been able to hold himself back long enough with his fake smile and greasy face and might have ended up...making a really shit joke he got from a christmas cracker? And now onto Chris Evans...

Erm...

need i say any more?

Friday night television is now in the form of "the friday night project" which was not only pretty shit but now...the Sunday night project. Is that becasue its demographic is all out on Friday nights?

i can imagine all these hip youngsters (around my age?) drinking in a pub

"ahh mate, i love coming out and drinking on friday nights...but i wish i could stay home and see the friday night project! its got like...this hairy man called Justin Lee collins and hes like, well mad. And this like right gay guy called alan carr right. hes like a proper real bender and everyfin, its like well mint."

"its on sunday nights now mate"

"oh shit thats top banana (if people still say that?) im deffo gonna watch that! BRB LOL LMAO ASL? *stab* *stab* ect.

iv lost the batteries for my remote controll. probably better off really