In the great, amazing, wonderful, loving, nice, always sunny, totally free, non violent country that is England the lovely government that i adore so much is considering raising the legal drinking age to 21 like in the States. I for one agree totally with the govern....whats that? were out of view from CCTV? finally! ok forget everything i just wrote. its true the government is seriously considering raising the legal drinking age to 21 but i had to say those horribly positive things about the country because i was being watched.
You see in this Country we re slowly losing our rights. Now i wont go on a crazy one don't worry, i am fully aware that we are not communist Russia however i don't really like the sound of the legal drinking age increasing. Now before we start this let me just clear something up...i am not really a sponsor for alcohol. i like it, i will admit but i do think its ironic that one of the most legal drugs we have is the most dangerous.
But on the other hand if the legal age is raised (me being 18) i will have to wait 3 more years till i can drink again and in this time and day we currently live in how will i possibly be able to face each horrible day if i am to be sober? the sight of Vanessa Phelts makes me reach for the bottle of jack daniels so quickly and so often that my right arm has actually evolved a second elbow. In order for me to watch television i have to be literally hooked up to a hanging bucket filled with straight vodka on a drip slowly working its way through my veins. when im on the drip vanessa phelts looks half normal...ok a quater, and the shrill death like voice of Blackadder's Tony Robinson stops trying to sell me bathroom cleaners and instead seems to be having an ingrossing debate with Vanessa Phelts on who would last longer in a bull fight with a red cloth stapled to their heads. Michael Winner or Cilla Black. You see drunk TV watching is an almost half enjoyable experience as it makes a variety of shit sights and sounds mould together to create something quite interesting. When the bucket empties however you slowly drift back into consiousness and the voice of Rik Mayall, which i used to enjoy and reminded me of so many great shows is now ordering me to buy andrex toilet paper in the form of a small dog, which leads me to think that you dont even need to be drunk to have a spaced out experience with television because with some programs and adverts you might as well be on LSD they are so non sensical.
So please government, oh lovely good superiour government. Government that knows whats best for me. please dont raise the legal age of drinking to 21 becasue i can assure you it will only posses me to find harder drugs and im not sure my brain would be able to handle a heroin enhanced "my family" episode
